Samantha Torrence – It takes a special woman to be able to marry a serviceman. She has to understand that her life will never be the same, the stability will be fleeting, and there will be more trials than she can count. So when I see a military wife I wonder, what made her want to marry her husband? I know why I did, I love my husband and I wanted to be his companion. That is it. I am attracted to him because of everything that makes him a good fit for the military life. He is loyal, courageous, efficient, honorable, studious, and has a great body. Let’s face it, the physically fit soldier in uniform is a desirable archetype to pine after, but if all you are after is the romanticism of the military life you have a very hard time ahead of you. Military men are thought of as modern day knights in shining armor. While they can be all that and more, they are still also human. They have their faults and their training sometimes can change them into very difficult creatures. Before you marry into the military you should honestly consider what trials lie ahead and in this article I will lay a few of these out for you.
Women often describe the prospect of military life as ideal because of the steady pay, great benefits, and the opportunity to travel the world. While all of those things are definitely perks, that is all they should be when you consider becoming a military wife. So really think about why you are marrying your Soldier, Airman, Seaman, or Marine; because those perks are not always true. Imagine those benefits being taken away for frivilous reasons and that you are stuck in a overly priced apartment in the middle of a town surrounded by cornfields. Your husband is working from before sunrise till late at night and you never get to see him, that is if he is even in this country this year. You are alone, with your kids, and you may have no friends or family around. If you can still imagine being with him even during the trials I have described and more, then you can be a military wife.
Helpful Do’s and Don’ts for marrying into the military
Don’t – get married to anyone who is going to or is just coming out of basic or technical training, especially if you are also just coming out of military basic or technical training. These slick sleeve recruits have been sexually and emotionally deprived for months and are simply not thinking clearly. Often girls living around a military base grow up being taught that marrying into the military will help them fulfill their dreams, so service members must also be cautious. These young girls have no idea what they are getting themselves into and these marriages often lead to trouble or divorce. (On a side note, just in case your soldier was not sexually deprived then get an STD test done before knocking boots. Basic training and technical schools have a very high rate of STDs.)
Do – Be smart and have a regular courtship with your military member. It may even be beneficial to go through a deployment with them so you can see if you can handle the long distance relationship. During this time get to know other military wives and listen to them. Go to blogs and read their stories. Then if you still feel comfortable get your ducks in a row with your family and friends before you marry your soldier. Make sure you have contacts and emergency plans in place if the unthinkable should happen and you need to make a long journey home.
Don’t – get pregnant just because your soldier is going off to war. While it is very tempting to have a “deployment baby” going through a pregnancy alone is unthinkably stressful. The baby could be born into the world where daddy could not be there, or daddy will never be there. Bringing a baby into a military life is a serious decision. If you married your soldier out of tech/basic training and are in the demographic for a high divorce rate you are simply asking for custody and child support battles. If you do stay together the child will be moved on minimum every 4 years and have to switch schools and friends. The stability of pay is completely offset by the stability of location which can be hard on a child.
Do – Make sure the soldier isn’t marrying you just to get out of the barracks. Yes, some of the guys just want to get out of under the thumb of their Chain of Command or they are lonely.
Don’t – Marry your soldier just because you want the benefits. Any of these lists of reasons to get married now is never a good reason to get married now. “We planned on getting married anyway I just need the insurance now,” or ” I want a baby daddy who can take care of us,” or ” Those college benefits would really help me get on my feet.” The reason to get married should always be, “I love him. I want to be his companion. And we are going to wait until the time is right. ” Sure no timing is ever perfect, but that does not mean find an excuse to rush into anything.
Do – Make sure you have a skillset that you can use no matter where you are in the country. Moving alot means not being able to build up a reputation at any job. It makes it almost impossible to have a steady career. So look into training into nursing, clerical work, or a telecommute job that you can do anywhere in the country.
Don’t- Be a “Deployment Widow.” Deployment widows are groups of women who married their soldiers for all the wrong reasons including the hope of getting rich off of their life insurance policy if they die. When their military member goes off to war these lovely ladies remove their wedding rings and proceed to go whoring around with anyone in sight. I am giving you this briefing to not be one, nor associate with these women. The soldiers get a similar briefing called “Stay away from the OPP (yeah you know me).”
Those are just some basic Dos and Don’ts that all new military wives should know.